Tikal day 21
“Look at where green grass lies under shadow, where water flows down. Underneath the fallen tomb, there you find the Toltecs' womb."
This is the riddle I was presented with by Mevinah in an effort to find the place of my visions. I was stumped for a while, yet all I needed to do was continue processing; talk to various people about their going-ons; along with whatever topic sparks. Then yesterday; BOOM, it happens: Luis decides to call his former professor, Luis-Arcturus and I recited the riddle to him.
A long pause ensues; followed by audible sounds of thinking in unconventional ways. It is a vibration that hums at a strange frequency, creating a sort of excitement and fear happening simultaneously; psychically audible clicks driving an open-mouth gaping with tongue slightly lolling.
"You mean flow of energy over green grass! I know the place you speak of <
I felt that I needed to talk to Luis-Arcturus in detail first. Plans were made and I saw him a few hours later, Sitting outside a resturant, on a street curb with field recorder in hand; notebook & paper; tip / tribute / bribery money; at the ready.
It is not very often that anybody stewarding over Tikal gets one who is interested in the spiritual and sacred aspects of the site; or to care about the jungle and what this place means to them.
They ask me if I had a large piece of paper and pen and proceeded to draw and scribble notes in Spanish. This includes specific quantity and color of candles to be placed as offerings; as well as a resin called copal. I asked about the significance of the colors and quantity of candles and got a detailed response regarding directions, cycles, and passage of time that is always honored.
Luis took pictures of the map and notes as a backup; I had all his words recorded so I could review and make my own notes; and a drunk Guatemalteco joined us saying random things in Spanish and trying to communicate with me in his attempt at English.
Fun times, man. Fun times.
"Tomorrow, we leave early, 7am to pick up the materials, 9am to Tikal. Make sure you got your passport and entry fee!"
I am always under-prepared when life happens. I nodded, parted ways, and got ready for bed. Excited and fearful in equal and simultaneous nature. Fearful about messing up and disrespecting the area, the energies, and myself in the process.
"I got my shaman friend in Flores to pick up the supplies and send them to me by mini-van delivery. Be ready by 9, for we go to Tikal and to your destiny!" I shook my head at his corny line and got ready. With materials in tow, we made our way to Tikal and the guards greeted us, as I have become a familiar sight to them by now with my repeated visits and strange ways while in the park.
The first place was the "Grupo G" complex. I keep finding myself there whenever I visit Tikal and I always poke around. Luis indicated a side entrance and my jaw dropped to the ground. I was drawn to the entrance and walked through it again at a reverent pace. This time though, a wave of energy passed over me as a wave, and I felt my body tense up and becoming less dense with contact. It is like having your cells separate from each other physically and you simply... expand. Luis-Arcturus explained the nature of this entrance was the North to South Entrance of the Jaguar, a primary energy line. A bit in, and the passage turns to the right at a perpendicular angle - intersecting the East to West energy line of the Dragon. I was in this less-dense and dazed state walking through the Dragon energy line and out into the courtyard. Somehow I knew to use that entrance and be within a leyline. Grupo G is not a residence, but a place of prayer.
At the courtyard we take a turn at the third inlet and turned to the immediate left. The inlet has another intersection that led off into another small room. It was there that my dazed feeling hit a peak and I felt like my head would lift off the rest of my body like a balloon threatening to separate as I looked up at this room. I recognized this room from my previous trip and I had lingered there for an unknown reason. My hands kept brushing up against the slimy mold remaining on a corner and I felt slimy bits come off onto my hand. It was the most intriguing feeling, why was the mold there along with the strong smell of mortar?
Luis lit four candles of each of the six directions and created a six way star with their fuses converged in the center: red, yellow, white, black, green, and blue candles; as well as a chunk of copal all went up in a large fire while I set up my own altar next to it and sat to its east. I smelled the burning offering mixed with the mortar and mold of centuries. My altar consists of my farmers market green and white square cloth folded up and arranged as a diamond. At the center was my semi-artificial organite representing my connection to my journey. To its south was a rose quartz shaped like a tortoise with its head missing representing my incomplete sense of love or love fulfillment. To its west was a black-grey stone of unknown-to-me crystal that represented my yet polished bits of self. To its north is unpolished grey rock shaped like a rock that represented the state of my heart. Finally, to its east is sodalite with blue, brown, grey, and white shaped like a lopsided superman logo that represents my hero side. When I was making this altar, I was not thinking but picking what felt right from my container of crystals.
As the offering pile burned and the smell of copal and burning wax permeated the room; my head went to each one in turn and I started saying things that occured to me about these stones and me:
I had a sense of incomplete; broken; lacking love that longs for fulfillment or to be made whole. What I have are past experiences that were traumatic and gave me a distorted image of love; leading me to leave it and replaced it with lust in order to help fulfill my two original human purposes. An semi-polished self which is a work in progress; cutting away bits that do not serve me; bits that are not me. It is always a work in progress. A hardened heart full of imperfections; into a soft stone. A heart that does not live the love its energy is; hardened as an armor. Not yet so brittle that it would shatter with just the right strike. Finally, a sense of heroism that is not normal, nor perfect but lopsided in different ways to differentiate itself. Unsual that it defies explanation even by myself to the point that there is desire to be something like a hero; yet not wanting to be looked upon as a hero where inauthencity and scorn is secretly held.
A conversation with a spiritual being from beyond Midgard named Kadesh played in my head: "To appreciate what love I already get instead of focusing on what love I do not have." followed by her response of "Yes, exactly. Be grateful for what you have now and cherish it, love it, embrace it like no other for it is YOURS. Embrace where it has came from, where it derives from and build off of that." My whole life, I have sought for a certain kind of love, and looking for things from a place of lack. Having that conversation with Kadesh, the Heart of Empathy - I felt her feel deep into me beyond my words, and tailored her response to match where I was at; I saw what I need to do. Her response was literal, but also multifaceted, reaching into levels that I will eventually process at the right time. I have no idea what I will build from the love I get currently - which comes in several different ways. No one being can fulfill this love I seek; no matter how much I feel the desires, attraction, resonance, response, or bond. What I resented from my mother; "Nobody will ever love you, except for me" is in fact a blessing and I must take this into heart. Only I can fulfill what I seek, from within.
There was a hidden path I saw, marked with energy, and pointed it out to Luis. He said that it is a temple and on the other side is the plaza for Grupo G. It is long since overgrown, but there are more access tunnels to where I am trying to get to there, and that they do not encourage tourists to go there, as the last one to go was lost for 3 weeks. I felt really drawn to the plaza, which now looks like a valley. Perhaps another time, I can walk there with no time restrictions. What is with me and energy lines leading to lost places?! If I could visit a place just to get lost with no restrictions, I would love to do that here in Tikal!
Next, we went from Grupo G, up a hill, behind the South Arcropolis and to the plaza of the seven temples. This area has an astrological significance, where during each of the four significant times of the year, the sun and shadow arrangements will fall upon either the three temples to each side, and or the center temple. Along the way I walked paths not marked that I was so compelled to go in past explorations, but fears of getting lost; violating park rules of staying overnight; and missing my transport going back to El Remate curbed my urges. I am reminded that I am very sensitive to energy and am drawn to walk on leylines.
At this central temple, Luis lit two more candles, I did not see which; and set it on either side of the central stone on the altar. I spread my white and green cloth again in the same diamond orientation; placed my orgonite in the center. To the west of the orgonite was a wood carving of a parrot on a rock that represented my free spirit that takes flight to wherever fancies me. To the north was red jasper in a shape of a heart that represents my love of the journey. To the east is a fire carnelian that represents my passion for the journey and self growth towards my two Midgard goals. To the south is a raw citrine stone in a shape of a cake - white and yellow underhalf with a brownish red "frosting" with a chip missing on a corner that represents resources at my use and how I use them. At the foot of this altar arrangement I placed a Guatemalteco "worry doll"; then took my scarf tapestry and arranged it around the altar with symmetry to represent the sacredness I hold this arrangement. Again, I did everything on the fly, picking crystals as I felt them; and doing other things in the same manner with no intent, no education. I was really abuzz with this density daze and I was not really myself at this time.
As the two candles proceeded to burn with an intensity; I brought forth my crystal wand and madagascar rattle. I created a criss cross gesture with the crystal that wrapped the altar in a V shape; and played the rattle. I have a free spirit, that tends to take flight from place to place. Some describe me as a runner while I enjoy the travel and external adventure. My love for self growth and the journey keeps me ever going; at the expense of practicality and forming deep roots with any place, physically or energetically. I am never content with just a place, always moving onwards. My passion for spiritual work can come at the expense of potentially bypassing some areas that are hard that I need to work on. Finally, I am given many blessings in terms of resources - finances, work opportunity, connection, love, spiritual opportunities; but sometimes I take it for granted. I am always worried about being stuck somewhere with no resources in a strange place and no way to connect with others; and no way to keep going.
Worries are about what may happen in the future, or repeating of the past, or scenarios that are not within my current timeline. They are things that are not of the present; and being present is the most significant factor in experiencing our journey. I thought of all these things, and using the crystal wand, directed them straight into the worry doll. I criss crossed the altar again and on a whim, pointed the crystal wand at the bridge of my nose where I felt intense energy tingling it.
At this moment, the candles die down and I made my way down to the altar in front of the central temple where Luis handed me a white, blue, yellow, and green candle and lit them, direct me to hold it in front of me, then place on the ground while praying in front of this little altar. I did this and decided to kneel and pray directly over the flame with my hands forming a right side up triangle, and intently watching and listening to the flame. I felt the heat of the flames near my hand and also took in that sensation, synchronizing with my inner life essence, the silver flame.
Luis pointed out to me a particular grave where they dug up a warrior skeleton that was pierced with green obsidian on his side. The professor, Luis-Arcturus, indicated this is the fallen tomb of the Toltec womb. The skeleton lies in a museum somewhere and I will ask him more about this later.
We walked away from the plaza of the seven temples and took a scenic route to the last temple - Templo de la scalaveras, which is behind the Temple of the Lost World. We first went behind it and there was a small room inset with an altar. Luis placed a black and blue candle representing death and rebirth on the altar and I prayed. We spent the briefest time here as he was telling me Luis-Arcturus will be here shortly and we want to be present. I will make the journey again on my own time and spend more time at this temple. I prayed and did not really experience much due to feeling pressure.
We walk around to the front and went down a few steps to the main room of the temple marked with three stone skulls at its bottom. I carefully stepped up to the altar, careful not to disturb the skulls, and Luis set up the final black and blue candle, and I made my final altar with just my white and green cloth and orgonite. We came with nothing, and we leave with nothing. Luis indicated that I stand in the archway behind me, and place my hands above me on the corners of the arch. My head touched the top of the arch and I could barely stand, but did as instructed. I felt a surge of energy while in this position and relaxed into this cramped position until the energy subsided. I could feel that I was surging with energy, but nothing was being released, indicating that I have some serious blockages, layered in nature as was pointed out to me. Energy isn't just accumulated, but flows like a river, like a cycle and I felt blocked. I have felt blocked for a while now. Layers upon layers. I felt sad at this revelation, as I could not utilize the full potential of this place because of what is going on inside of me, but I did gain benefit. When I finished, I walked down towards the final altar - one for Gratitude.
As I arrived, so did Luis-Arcturus and Luis pointed behind me that water flows down through this temple and this is a natural clearing dotted with trees that receive very little sunlight, yet there is abundant grass growing. Both think this place is the place of my riddles. In my vision, I panned and scanned a building's insides inset with many symbols, symbols of the Immortality Forumla. Reflecting upon this, just like before, it is all symbolism, the Immortality Formula is my carrot on a stick to propel me forward. What did I really want from this place? Revelation. Did I get revelation? I certainly did - who I am, my status as a being, what drives me, and what hinders me at present on an experiencial level.
52 leylines intersect at thsi temple and at the alter is where they concentrate the most. I felt my density daze reaching a new level like a dam being overwhelmed and suddenly the sky was overly bright white. Electric energy seemed to permeate this white and I stared hard, despite it being painful to watch. I could barely make out some sort of scene playing within the clouds. A memory, a vision of some sort, but it was too hazy for me to make out and identify or articulate into an understanding. The scene dissipates and the density dazed feeling fades.
Luis lit the last set of candles with another chunk of copal in the middle and lit the four cardinal directions with candles. I expressed my gratitude and slowly cycled around clockwise and prayed at each cardinal direction. I really felt grateful for the experience, for the motivation to get to Tikal for the past two years; and for my revelations. I realized that I am drawn to walking leylines. Luis-Arcturus said the easiest and safest way to a higher state of being was to walk the leylines; and I flashed back to the beginning of my pilgrimage in 2013.
When I left Calfornia back then with a goal of Montreal in Canada; I apparently took a route that followed a set of leylines right down to the exact paths. When I came back and settled in New Mexico in USA; I followed another set of leylines; and New Mexico is atop a massive crystal bed that results in a massive amount of spiritual energy. Here I am again, unconsciously walking leyline paths in Tikal as I can "see" and sense them, naturally drawn to walk on them. I think I am meant to walk these leylines in natural settings to help myself heal and recover. This is what Tikal is for me. I am staying another week to process and write further. Figure out what is next; perhaps make progress on my blockges; and if all goes well, gain more energy - I have enough candles for another prayer trip through Tikal...
I love the process of writing that you have. You travel just to get inspiration on the piece that you write. Well, it is a good thing that you've been doing it that way. I know some of my friends who are willing to go overseas just because they feel like they need to write in this particular country. Some people, especially those who are not writers, might not understand this necessity for creative writers. Just make sure that you have there fund to travel the world and fulfill your dreams of writing a story you've dreamed of.
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