Reflections of Tip # 1 for Living A Very Simple Life

As promised here is my follow up on Neale Donald Walsch's Tip # 1 - Death does not exist. Never fear death.

I got a real personal relationship with death ever since I was a little kid. It started out with me killing another kid during a fight when I was six years old. What was really scary about that was it did not take some significant amount of strength; agility; special abilities, or specialized skills. It just took pure, cold, and clear intent. That is a lot of power, and I felt I did not know how to control my use of it. I became very fearful to ever show or utilize that power.

My biological father died of multiple causes with I was 8 years old. He died at age 52, relatively young. I did not feel loss or grief, in fact I was quite relieved. That guy is no longer going to beat the living tar out of me ever again, nor teach me some new way to be ultra disciplined that involved a lot of pain. Looking back, even before the relief, I did not feel anything - I don't even believe that he ever left entirely, just not there physically. I remember my mother asking me some years later how I felt about my father dying, or if I missed him. She was dismayed with my answer and revealed that she missed him very much. He was really abusive to her when he was alive too, and I did not understand at the time why she missed him so.

I attempted to commit suicide when I was 13 years old. An experience with a vision stopped me from plunging that knife any further than it already had. To this day, 23 years later, I marvel how that vision came in a millimeter before the knife reached in far enough to actually kill me. The vision gave me a sneak preview of what awaited after my time in this physical form, and that death and life were the same exact thing. It also gave me a new directive with my life, something I struggled with how to even apply for the next 21 years.

Whenever I look at people, I would always spot something of them that would show me, that if I strike that place with intent, they would die, instantly. I would somehow or another also know the steps to give me that opportunity, perhaps tapping at their kneecap to dislodge it, and while they are in a lot of pain, strike that spot. It only takes 10 pounds of force to knock off a kneecap on a human being. It was very obvious that everyone is always just a single step away from death, and every one of us is always walking a fine line between the lives they are living and the life of death. Death IS life. Life IS death. They are one and the same, different aspects of each other.

At one point, I had done something unintentionally that resulted in a couple of nights where that was a real chance of being attacked in the night while I sleep. I kept one eye open while sleeping and had an exact plan and moment on how to defend myself using the environment around me, and give me the opportunity to strike at their death spot. The plan could be done within a couple of seconds, and I was primed to react should I get attacked in my sleep. Death was always a baby step away, looking over our shoulder and through our souls.

Doctors were admonishing me left and right when I had my first presentation of diabetes with stuff like "your blood glucose levels were over 5000 mg/dl, over 5 times the level that was considered lethal. My triglycerides and cholesterol had similar numbers - over 3000 and 4000. They yelled at me that "I was very lucky, and that I could have been dead!" I did not see what the big deal was because death did not matter to me, I was living death, living life all the time; and so was everyone else.

The medications that were prescribed to me during my time with diabetes numbered over 28, and each and every one of them had numerous side effects, and nearly all of them had death as a side effect, ranging from 25% all the way to about 60%. If I were to add them up, that would equal to some ridiculous number much greater than 100% chance of death. I could only look at that with humor. Here I am surrounded by medical claims of chances of death left and right, and yet, after taking those medications multiple times a day for a few years, I still stand. I may as well be deliberately overdosing on prescription medications, and yet still not "die". So, I'm living life and defying conventional wisdom and physical evidence of "death". Or, put another way, If I died in any of those prior life incidents, how can I "die" again after already having died in the first place? Conventional wisdom is beginning to show a few plot holes in my perspective.

There have been many events that conventionally should have resulted in grievous injury or death to me in the last couple of years; but every time, nothing near the sort actually happened. This includes jumping off a very large rock much longer than viable jumping distance; spending a few nights in temperatures well below freezing; being hit by vehicles at high speeds; prolonged lung area paralysis; and the list goes on. Each time one of these things would happen, I would feel a heightened sense of LIFE, as I was living on the edge, where everything became super vivid, the pace of life was suddenly much more intense, and the FEELING of living was higher than it has ever been; and it was more exciting than the best roller coaster rides ever created.
Does that sound like death to you?

​So, having experienced, witnessed all the above, what would be the point of fearing death, if there was not any? Big deaths are simply a transport from one form of existence to another, and little deaths are perceived negative outcomes that we fear. What is the worst that can happen in any "little death"? It is certainly not a "big death". The big death is just a step or curve in a ever-running river so that it is all a single life, just changing forms every so often. Living death is life. Living life is death. So, what are you afraid of, go ahead and live life even more fully.
After all, we only LIVE once.